Children

Counting

Little Bobby was asked by his first grade teacher..."Bobby, do you know how
to count?".

Bobby replied "Of course I do, my dad taught me".

The teacher doubted Bobby, and decided to put him to the test. "OK,
Bobby...what comes after three?" The teacher asked

"Four!" Bobby immediately exclaimed.

"Very Good" said the teacher, "OK, what comes after six?"

"Seven!" Bobby shot back immediately

"Bobby, your father is an excellent teacher. He must be so proud of you"

"Yes, he is" Bobby replied

"OK, One last test", said the teacher "What comes after ten?"

Without missing a beat, Bobby replied "Jack"

Dreams About Growin' Up

One day, three boys were talking about what they wanted to be when they grew up.

"I wanna be a singer so I can say "Me, me, me, me, me.""

"I wanna be a chef so I can say knife and fork."

"I wanna be a gambler so I can say you wanna make a bet."

When they grew up they all got the jobs they wanted. One day, a policeman walked into a building and said, "Who killed this man?"

The singer said "Me, me, me, me, me."

"What did he kill him with?"

"Knife and fork," said the chef.

"You're going to jail."

"You wanna make a bet?" said the gambler.

You lose!

Little Tommy was the quietest boy in school. He never answered any questions but his homework was always quite excellent. If any one said anything to him he would simply nod, or shake his head. The staff thought he was shy and decided to do something to give him confidence.
"Tommy," said his teacher. "I've just bet Miss Smith $5 I can get you to say three words. You can have half."
Tommy looked at her pityingly and said, "You lose."

Beard bet

I want you to help me stop my son gambling," an anxious father said to his boy's principal. "I don't know where he gets it from but it's bet, bet, bet."
"Leave it to me," said the principal. A week later he phoned the boy's father. "I think I've cured him," he said.
"How?"
"Well, I saw him looking at my beard and he said,
"I bet that's a false beard."
"How much?" I said, and he said
"$5 "
"What happened?" asked the father.
"Well, he tugged my beard, which is quite natural, and I made him give me $5. I'm sure that'll teach him a lesson."
"No, it won't," said the father. "He bet me $10 this morning that he'd pull your beard with your permission by the end of the week!"

Little Johnnie talks poker

Little Johnnie had just turned six and much to his parents' chagrin, had never spoken. Johnnie's Grandpa, a well-known local poker player, was sympathetic to Johnnie's plight, and would take Johnnie with him whenever possible. One regular bonding between grandpa and grandson was at the Elks Club Saturday night 10-20 hold'em game. Johnnie would sit on grandpa's lap and faithfully watch as grandpa regularly cleaned out the town council members, local attorney's and judges.

Alas, one Saturday night, grandpa seemed to be missing every flop, and was on the verge of tilt for the first time ever. Near the end of the evening in a capped pot, with grandpa on the button, he looked at his cards only to see 2-7 off. Furious at his run of bad luck, grandpa splashed the pot with a call.

Johnnie looked up at his grandpa and said, "You shouldn't have called that bet, papa."

Grandpa was stunned. "Johnnie, you're six years old, and these are the first words you've ever spoken!"

Johnnie looked at grandpa and said, "Well, up till now, you've been playing just fine."

Obnoxious Kid on poker night

This guy is having a lovely poker game at home until his obnoxious 12-year-old son started disrupting things by going around, telling player's cards, making noise, and being a general nuisance. The father is about to discipline him when an uncle of the family says, "Let me handle this."
The uncle takes the boy in another room and much to everyone's surprise, they don't see him the rest of the night. The father says to the uncle, "I really appreciate what you did, what did you say to him?"
The uncle says, "I really didn't say anything, I just showed him how to masturbate".

Playing poker

A 12 year old boy comes home from school and walks into his parents' room.

Mom and dad are in bed making love.

The boy asks, "What are you doing?"

His dad replies, "Playing poker. Now get out of here."

He goes to his older sister's room to find his sister and her boyfriend in bed making love.

The boy asks, "What are you doing?"

His sister replies, "Playing poker. Now get out of here."

He goes to his older brother's room and finds his brother masturbating.

He asks his brother, "What are you doing?"

His brother replies, "Playing poker."

The boy asks, "I thought that it takes two to play poker."

His brother replies, "Not if you have a good hand."