Normally when I play poker I avoid alcohol like the plague. But this was my annual Superbowl poker night with 'the boys', something I'd been doing for over thirty years with guys from high school. This wasn't a time for serious strategy, hard nosed competition, or subtle moves. This was a time to kick back and enjoy myself. It was time for some IDIOT POKER.
You remember idiot poker, don't you? Maybe you called it the politically incorrect "Indian". Either way, it is by far the "dumbest" game ever invented.
Idiot poker is as simple a poker game as there is. It is surely best played with lots of beer – and maybe a couple of bottles of bourbon or scotch. The only "strategy" involves cheating with mirrors – so I won't describe it. It is a game for amusement purposes only. (Though it isn't free).
The dealer deals exactly one card face down to each player. The player may not look at his card. Instead, he takes the card and, without peeking, brings it up to his forehead for all to see – all but himself that is.
When the deal is complete and this initial action is taken by each of the players you have a table full of poker playing idiots with exposed cards on their foreheads – hence the name of the game. You can see everyone else's card but not your own.
You then proceed to bet. Bluffing is encouraged, laughing is almost mandatory, and anyone who dares take himself or his wagering too seriously is shunned for at least one hand – if not the remainder of the night.
It is an excellent game to end an evening with – and often is coupled with a mandatory bet – or drink
Here is a sample hand. Remember, copious amounts of alcohol have been consumed before this hand was dealt.
Paul is the host and dealer of this final hand of the night. Each player is named below, sitting around the room clockwise with this single card on his forehead.
Jerry:
Noah:
Kyle:
Ike:
Vern
Paul:
Betting starts to the left of the dealer. Each player puts $5.00 in the pot as an ante. Bets are $5.00. There is no limit on the number of raises.
Jerry, seeing the
on Paul's head, checks. He is roundly booed by everyone else for being a wuss.
Noah, afraid to check lest he be booed as well, bets $5.00.
Kyle, holding a red chip over his left eye as he holds the
on his head with his right hand, yells that he is raising to $10. Why he is yelling and why he is holding the red chip over his eye is a mystery.
Ike, with his
, says that he will not be bullied by infidels and raises by $25.00. He is chastised by Paul, who tells him with mock seriousness that the maximum raise is $5.00. "Then $5.00 more" he says as everyone tries unsuccessfully to hold in their guffaws at this obvious bluff by a guy with the lowest hand possible.
"I must fold to the power" says Vern, as he safely folds his
– to a chorus of hissing.
Paul raises by $5.00, saying "I'm the hostess with the mostest".
Jerry meekly folds, saying "Too rich for my blood". Ike shouts "don't you know any other clichés you wimp".
Noah meekly calls without fanfare – feeling intimidated.
Kyle says, "Knaves. $5.00 more for raises but not one more penny for tribute!" He raises by $5.00.
Ike says, "Oh, you're a pirate. But I think you have that quote wrong" and raises another $5.00
Paul smiles, shakes his head and calls the raise, sensing that he might be beat – since he has no idea what he has.
Noah calls, figuring he's in so far he might as well call what he hopes is the last bet.
Kyle, thinking that unless he has an Ace, the only way he can win is to raise Paul out of the pot, but also knowing that crazy Ike might well raise him again, just calls, ending the betting.
They each look at their hands and then, seeing that none of them can beat Paul's King, shove him all of the money in the pot ($125).
"Rent" Ike says with a smile.
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